Transforming My Heart

Removing the Darkness

Near the end of 2023 I reworked this 3D love-heart collage. Prior to making the decision to restyle it, it had been in a pile ready for the local charity shop. I no longer liked it, and it also didn’t look new enough to sell on. But before the collage made it to the charity shop, the date on the back caught my eye. It was signed 2013. A whole 10 years had passed since first making it. Seeing this date had me in deep thought of how much has changed for me in the last 10 years.

10 Years Ago

10 years ago, my family and I had spent the past year acclimatizing to countryside living. I had always lived a more ‘hustle and bustle’ lifestyle in towns and cities, but it didn’t take long to enjoy the quieter side of life. When we first moved, the one thing I really enjoyed was to visit the (no longer there!) village art gallery. I had personally been making art 10 years prior to moving to the countryside, but I was neither very good at it, nor did I take it seriously. Making art for me was just a adhoc hobby.

Until I saw a sign in the art gallery window asking for local artists to create art for their upcoming Valentines display.

Trying my luck

I instantly knew that I wanted to make something for the display. But also knew that it was unlikely it would ever be chosen! Some serious talent sat behind them doors, and my art was definitely not of the same standard! 10 years ago I had limited confidence in myself, let alone in my art, so I was very doubtful the gallery owner would accept anything from me. But God loves a tryer, and that’s what I did. I tried regardless of my lack of faith in just about everything.

In between pre-school pick-ups & drop-offs. Nappy changes & nap times. I attentively created my artistic contribution for the Valentines display. With thick rope I formed the shape of a love-heart. I filled the space with corks wrapped with ribbons and finished by setting them amongst an array of colourful paper flowers – and a few romantic quotes thrown in for luck!

On completion I named it ‘You Stole My Heart’.

When the deadline was up, the gallery owner gathered the hopeful applicants artworks, so she could mull-over which ones to showcase. But as I pessimistically predicted, it wasn’t long before she called asking for me to collect mine. Informing me, that although she loved my use of materials, I wasn’t a successful candidate. I took this as a very polite way of saying your artwork is shite!

Why am I telling you this story?

Well, even though my art wasn’t accepted. I look back at this time with gratitude, as this is where it began for me. The rejection from the gallery owner was the moment I made the decision, that whilst my children were small, any spare time I had was going to be spent honing my artistic skills, and to become a more well-rounded confident human being. So when the time came that both my children reached senior school age (which has just happened!) with any luck, it will hopefully be an option to be a self-employed artist, instead of being in employment.

Making peace with Darkness.

For many years, most of my art (and my website!) was created with a black background. Black, white and a few bright colours was my signature look. Artists use colour to evoke emotions and set the mood of their work. Black can add a touch of mystery, luxury, sophistication or power. It can add depth, contrast or neutralise bright colours. It can also introduce the subject matter as sombre and dark, and convey emotions of feeling sadness and distress.

I think the psychology behind my ‘black background obsession’ was for many years I carried too much darkness and unhealed trauma. Healing from painful experiences is a must if you want to move forward in life. Trauma will have you stuck with self-limiting beliefs, toxic patterns and relationships. The experience with the gallery owner highlighted how much work I needed to do, not only with my artistic abilities, but also mentally, emotionally, physically and spiritually too. I was determined to become the best version of myself.

The Conclusion

My art (and myself!) aren’t going to be everyone’s cup of tea, and thats ok with me. I haven’t done all this work on myself to worry about other peoples opinions. To be honest, I’ve never really felt like I’ve fit in, but i’m now in a place where i’ve stopped trying. I’d prefer people to like me for who I really am, not the watered down or damaged version I felt bound to for so long.

My future plans.

In all honesty, I feel like i’m just getting started. I have lots of vision and enough fire in my belly to get where I want to be. I have been working on a new exciting project, which I am keeping to myself until its more developed. In addition to this, I have promised myself to give my website more love and attention. I have seriously neglected it. I will be writing more blogs, and adding new and deleting old art. I am always going to enjoy creating beautiful things, but this year I also feel called to create art that confronts truth, social injustices, and hard topics that people are either ignorant to, or avoid talking about.

Thanks for reading my blog.

I’ll leave you with a quote from one of my favourite artists.

Peace and Love ✌️

Emma x

“Art should be something that liberates your soul, provokes the imagination and encourages people to go further.” – 

Keith Haring